Alison Holker reveals the painful secrets hidden in tWitch

After her husband Steven 'TWitch' Bosstragic passing in December 2022, Alison Holker has revealed the painful truths she discovered while searching for answers in his journals.

In hopes of finding clarity and some semblance of closure, Alison Holker uncovered deeply buried struggles that even those closest to Steven “TWitch” Boss never knew about.

In the months before his death, Holker noticed subtle but disturbing changes in Bose's behavior—he became withdrawn, less focused on self-care, and more likely to smoke. Although he admitted feeling weak, she remembers him being “very careful about his wording,” keeping the pain completely even from her.

“He was struggling with a lot of things inside himself, and he was trying to self-medicate and deal with all these feelings because he didn't want to expose it to anyone because he loved everyone so much,” Holker said. People magazine in a new interview before the release of her new memoir.

Among the heartbreaking posts, Boss mentioned that he was sexually abused by a male figure as a child, a trauma he carried silently throughout his life. “He didn't want other people to take on his pain,” she added.

Although these revelations initially made Holker feel betrayed, time has given her a broader perspective. “Reading Stephen's journals and even going back to the books he had read and the things he highlighted and brought up really gave me a better idea of ​​where he was in life and what things he was struggling with,” she shared. . “It made me feel a lot of empathy for him and sadness for all the pain he was holding.”

Holker's decision to share these intimate struggles comes from a place of deep purpose. She hopes that her vulnerability might be to save even one person from suffering in silence. “It's hard to imagine that he never opened up to anyone and wanted to face it, get through to the other side. I really hope that people who are dealing with the same thing will help come out of the shadows and (know) that everything will be okay.”

After her husband's passing, Holker channels her grief into a mission to support others dealing with trauma and loss. She recently revealed plans to release a memoir, “That Far Away: My Story of Love, Loss, and Embracing the Light,” to be published next month.

“I used to sit in my pool or in my hot tub and talk to Stephen all the time (after he died). I was mad at him or happy for him or just reminiscing,” Holker recalled. “One night when I was so angry, I forgave him and thought about how many people are probably waiting for the moment I just had.”

This realization prompted her to return to her memoir, determined to create something that could guide others in their darkest hours. “I don't want people reading this to feel like I'm their therapist. I'm not educated in that world, but I had a really traumatic thing happen in my life that just made me realize what I was already working on. It's really, really important that I would continue.”

Holker hopes her story will be a lifeline for those who feel alone in their struggles. “It gave me more focus and purpose and I really hope that I can be an advocate and a voice for people who feel alone or left behind.”

In December 2022, Stephen 'TWitch' Boss checked into the Oak Tree Inn, located less than a mile from his home in Los Angeles. Leaving his phone on airplane mode and his car at home, he took an Uber to a motel with a small bag and booked a one-night stay.

Hotel staff reported that Boss appeared calm and restless at check-in. However, when he failed to check out the next morning, staff discovered him dead in his room from a self-inflicted gunshot wound to the head.

Authorities later discovered it The boss had left a suicide noteciting “past challenges”. While the exact contents of the note remain private, it was a sobering acknowledgment of the quiet battles he had been fighting.

Alison Holker's story is not only about loss, but also about resilience, advocacy and hope. Through her memoir and ongoing efforts to raise awareness of mental health, she is committed to letting others know they are not alone.

“If sharing Stephen's story can help even one person step out of the shadows and ask for help, then his legacy will continue to shine,” she said.

By sharing her grief and her husband's hidden struggles, Holker hopes to honor Ragana's memory while shedding light on the importance of openness, healing and connection.